Hana Kimi: Chapter 8
February 3rd, 2010 07:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hikapikashoonOkay, so three things.
1. I made a mistake in Hana Kimi. As I was looking back, there was this one scene where Nami went to the sleeping Hikaru in the nurse's office and said, "I'll always see you as my sister." Well, isn't Nami already Hikaru's sister? I wanted that scene, but Nami was the only one who is eligible for being Hikaru's OC, thus she's the sister. But then, the second Hikaru OC never commented, so I didn't really put here back into the story. Just wanted to point that out, so remind me if I don't make Nami the sister, and I'll change the story.
2. Since I have more than 10 OCs, I've decided to structure the story this way: get Hikaru and Sayuri together, then make each of the OC pairs together one by one (or not, for some couples, since there are two people for some boys), then let them come up with ideas of how to get Sayuri to do gymnastics again, like what Hikaru wanted. Thus, it's gonna be quite long, sorry for making this boring story a long one, and thanks for supporting me.
3. Since I haven't thought of any ideas on how to write the getting-lamer-story NEWBIE, I've decided to only update Hana Kimi this time. Hopefully I don't bore you guys too much >.<
Chapter 8:
Hikaru opened his eyes. Before realizing where he was, his instinct made him sit up and look around. The nurse’s face blurrily came into view “Oh, you’re finally conscious now!” and smiled. Indeed, Hikaru had been unconscious for 48 hours.
The door burst open and Chinen came in with Aya grabbing onto his arm, afraid that she’ll lose Chinen if she doesn’t. Mai came in with a cheerful Nami, who was desperate to check on her brother’s wellbeing.
“Oniichan daijoubu?” Nami asked the nurse.
The nurse smiled down at Nami, “Un, daijoubu yo”
“Oniichan!” Nami exclaimed and jumped onto the bed dto snuggle up with Hikaru. Hikaru moved over to make room. Knowing that Hikaru is trapped on the bed, Aya tried to make another harmful move on him, forgetting that her beloved Chinen is present.
“Aya?” Chinen held firmly onto Aya’s hand, “Daijoubu”
Aya looked at Chinen, and nodded.
“Jyaa, let’s go outside ne” Chinen smiled, and the happy couple smiled at each other.
As soon as the door closed, Mai looked guiltily at Hikaru, sorry for all the things that Aya had been pulling on him. “GOMEN NASAI” Mai bowed down to Hikaru for Aya’s jealousy.
“Eh? Nani ga?”
“Aya……Aya…….” Mai started to cry.
Confined to the bed, Hikaru whispered something to Nami and she ran out. Meanwhile, he kept asking Mai if she’s okay.
A minute later, Chinen alone, comes in. He saw the crying Mai, walked over and placed a hand oon her shoulder, “Daijoubu?” Mai raised her head up to a smiling Chinen, causing her to cry even harder.
Just passing by, Rina and Ayana came in to comfort their friend. Thinking that Hikaru was the reason why Mai cried, Ayana glared at Hikaru.
“Daijoubu, Mai-chan? They both asked.
Hikaru answered, “She’s-“ Ayana glared at him again, making him stop talking and think Yabai, I should get Sayuri to start gymnastics soon so I can leave”
Thinking that everyone’s paying attention to Mai, Hikaru decided to go somewhere else. When he made it out the door, he bumped into none other than Iwata Sayuri. Hikaru dropped his crutches, dropping it on Sayuri’s leg. Instead of complaining of pain, Sayuri gritted her teeth and gasped in alarm, “GOMEN NASAI, HIKARU! DAIJOUBU?”
“Daijoubu desu, demo… Sayuri-chan wa?” Hikaru said quietly
“ZENZEN DAIJOUBU DESU”
Hearing Sayuri’s loud voice, the seven members of JUMP (Yabu, Takaki, Inoo, Daiki, Yamada, Ytuo and Ryutaro) who were nearby came. Chinen, alarmed by “HIKARU” came running out of the nurse’s room, wondering what had happened. Seeing Sayuri and Hikaru on the ground together, Chinen motioned JUMP to leave, leaving the two alone.
“SUMIMASEN DESHITA!” the two bowed to each other, then lifted their heads and laughed.
<In the room>
“Ne, daijoubu?”
“Un, you?”
“Daijoubu dayo!”
“Ne, you asked earlier. Why I didn’t continue gymnastics.” Sayuri looked at Hikaru, who was staring back at her. He tried to move off of his bed so he could carefully listen to her. Sayuri stopped him. “Yamete, I’ll speak louder or whatever you want. Just rest, onegai”
“Can you come to me then? I want to see your face when you’re talking.”
Sayuri walked up to Hikaru’s bed and sat there, “Is this close enough for you?”
Hikaru smiled shyly, “Motto ii desu ka?”
Sayuri sat closer to Hikaru, making both people’s hearts pound. “Like this?”
“Perfect. Anou, what is it you want to tell me?”
“About gymnastics, I’ve been doing it all my life, I don’t want to do it anymore, it’s boring.”
“Ne, onegai. Please continue it again”
“Sore dake”
“Anou, Sayuri-san, do you consider me as a friend?”
“H-hai, I’m beginning to” Sayuri smiled a friendly smile.
“Then, boku no tame ni, please consider doing gymnastics again”
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Date: February 4th, 2010 03:33 am (UTC)Hikaru answered, “She’s-“ Ayana glared at him again, making him stop talking and think Yabai, I should get Sayuri to start gymnastics soon so I can leave”
ahaha awee x]
Sayuri walked up to Hikaru’s bed and sat there, “Is this close enough for you?”
Hikaru smiled shyly, “Motto ii desu ka?”
Sayuri sat closer to Hikaru, making both people’s hearts pound. “Like this?”
awkward x]
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Date: February 4th, 2010 06:08 am (UTC)and i know, hikaru's so awkward, haha. i guess that's what makes him funny sometimes, ne
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Date: February 5th, 2010 02:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: February 4th, 2010 03:46 am (UTC)“H-hai, I’m beginning to” Sayuri smiled a friendly smile.
- awww you are freinds!
“Then, boku no tame ni, please consider doing gymnastics again”
- yes! say yes! do it for hikaru!
haha I like your story so far! XDD
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Date: February 4th, 2010 06:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: February 5th, 2010 01:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: February 4th, 2010 05:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: February 4th, 2010 11:08 am (UTC)-OH YEAS!!! I WOn'T LET GO OF YOU CHINEN!!!!
“Aya?” Chinen held firmly onto Aya’s hand, “Daijoubu”
Aya looked at Chinen, and nodded.
“Jyaa, let’s go outside ne” Chinen smiled, and the happy couple smiled at each other.
HE HELD MY HAND!!! HE DID HE DID!!! *dies* wiii~~~~
As soon as the door closed, Mai looked guiltily at Hikaru, sorry for all the things that Aya had been pulling on him. “GOMEN NASAI” Mai bowed down to Hikaru for Aya’s jealousy.
WHY DO I FEEL YOU'RE MAKING ME THE ANTAGONIST HERE!?!!?!?! *shoots death glares at you*
but still, LOLS! i like you, hahaha!! *hugs*
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Date: February 4th, 2010 09:33 pm (UTC)omg, i should make hikaru close to being revealed again, cause him getting together with sayuri wouldnt make sense otherwise. OMG SO CONFUSING!!! i need to reread what i've written, i think. otherwise, i might make some stupid mistake. i've thought of how she finds out he's a boy though xD
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Date: February 5th, 2010 03:35 am (UTC)it's a good idea if hikaru will be ALMOST revealed to me, or he will be revealed to me and since I kinda hate him I'll be blackmailing him or something, or whatever, or maybe if I will know it, the way I treat him will be like different, cause i won't be jealous to him anymore, knowing that he's a guy and won't be trying to flirt with my beloved chinen and i'll help him hide his secret...^_^V or so whatever
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Date: February 5th, 2010 04:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: February 4th, 2010 12:20 pm (UTC)Nami called "Onii-chan" o.o Isn't he supposed to be a girl here?
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Date: February 4th, 2010 09:30 pm (UTC)nami is hikaru's younger sister, so that's why she knows, but i have no idea why i wrote that. ahhh, this fic is getting so confusing for me that it doesnt make sense ne >.< gomen
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Date: February 5th, 2010 08:38 am (UTC)yeh there was a few times that hikaru slipped and kind of revealed himself (lucky no one else noticed lolol)
but i noticed how at the end he says BOKU no tame ni
BOKU is like the masculine version of watashi isnt it? didnt he kind of just reveal himself
and if he "isnt MR hikaru yaotome", how could he know about the gymnastics and get away with it?
but dw its okay, sometimes in my fics i get all confused and make minor little things like that but its okay
i just got a little confused at those bits like whats going on in the story
but im LOVING IT!!! i really want to see how it develops!
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Date: February 5th, 2010 11:02 pm (UTC)that's why sayuri asked, cause he kept forgetting he's supposed to be a girl!
and haha, i guess sayuri isn't smart enough to notice that yet!
i actually like my newbie fanfic better, cause i have a wider range of imagination for that one, since it could go in any direction i want it to.
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Date: February 5th, 2010 02:26 pm (UTC)It was shoooo sweet.
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Date: February 6th, 2010 03:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: February 7th, 2010 03:47 am (UTC)Hikaru smiled shyly, “Motto ii desu ka?”
Sayuri sat closer to Hikaru, making both people’s hearts pound. “Like this?”
----
Aww <3
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Date: February 7th, 2010 03:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: February 16th, 2010 12:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: February 16th, 2010 05:33 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: April 8th, 2010 12:39 am (UTC)